The Decisions

15 07 2010

The Decision by Lebron James to leave one of the worst cities in the country (Cleveland) for beaches and babes seemed like a no-brainer, but the coaches of the best conference in the nation will be making more of an impact for guys that like tailgating, coeds, and football. We had some monumental decision in the Pac-12 that we’ve outlined for the casual fan to see what’s going on in preparation of the 2010 season.

Stanford – Jim Harbaugh

Coach keeps himself thin in the off-season by avoiding the Dairy Queen diet, but he’s already planning his post Rose Bowl victory meal.

USC – Lane Kiffin

Lane Kiffin’s biggest decision this off-season was whether or not he would start running for governor of California in the 2011 election. For a guy who played at Fresno St and brings an 11-18 career record as a head coach, some people are wondering what his next job that he doesn’t deserve will be?

Cal – Jeff Tedford

Coach has had been working exclusively with Dr. Phil in the off-season to see if he can build up quarterback Kevin Riley’s confidence. His only recommendation was shock therapy.

Arizona St – Dennis Erickson

Erickson has been mulling retirement since he turned 85 years old twenty years ago, but it is gaining serious traction now that he lives in Arizona. Coach recently said that if the Sun Devils don’t show significant improvement he’ll be in a retirement home playing Bingo, Canasta, and Pinochle with Ray Finkle.

Oregon – Chip Kelly

Chip Kelly has been spending a lot of time in the court room this off-season and he has decided to make criminal justice the new sociology major for his team. All of his incoming freshman are required to take Introductory Morals and How to Avoid Getting Arrested 101.

Arizona – Mike Stoops

The loudest man in the Pac-10 has decided to enroll in Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Anger Management. Drew saw progress in 2009 after working with Stoops, but thinks he has room for improvement if he surrounds himself with other people like Lindsay Lohan after she gets out of jail.

UCLA – Rick Neuheisel

As soon as Rick Neuheisel heard about world cup this year he immediately decided to join a pool. He picked Brazil to win, but lost $10,000 for coming in 6th place in his group of shady friends. Following the loss of the Brazilians, Neuheisel decided to switch bookies.

Washington – Steve Sarkisian

The biggest decision in Seattle was whether or not Coach should start plugging Jake Locker as the next Heisman candidate. He didn’t know whether he should wait until Locker gets another road win since his last one came in November of 2007. He’s been trying to keep it under wraps as Locker tours all of the east coast media outlets.

Oregon St – Mike Riley

The slow starts in Corvallis have been killing Oregon St for years and Mike Riley finally discovered that his book of How to Start Fasting actually has to do with not eating. He recently decided to switch over to the Twilight series.

Washington St – Paul Wulff 

After Wulff decided to give up on west coast recruiting and hit Florida, he started to think outside the box and start recruiting in the church.  Coach has been looking for priests and pastors with eligibility remaining, because he realizes his only chance of a win is to pray for it. My sources have also told me that they are brining in a team of nuns to join the cheerleaders and if they have moves like this one I’m all for it.

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Pac-12 Playoffs: Down 2 Party

28 06 2010

#1 USC vs #6 UW

The last time the Huskies faced the Trojans, Lane Kiffin was taking jabs at Urban Meyer like a younger brother vying for some attention. This time Steve Sarkisian filled in that role by tugging at big brother’s sleeve.

Sarkisian accused Kiffin of violating NCAA recruiting rules at a Washington Booster breakfast at the Seattle Convention Center.

“I’m going to turn USC in right here in front of you,” Sarkisian told the crowd. “As Sione Potoae was here on campus, his phone keeps ringing. And so one of our coaches is sitting in the meeting with him and says,’Who is that?’ And he looks at the phone and says, ‘Lane Kiffin.’

“Just so you know, you can’t call a recruit on another campus. But I love the fact that Lane had to cheat and still didn’t get him.”

USC came out determined to run the ball, and the Trojan horses were galloping right through the porous Husky defense. The opening drive featured six straight runs for USC and ended with an 11 yard CJ Gable touchdown. Jake Locker struggled to hit open receivers in the first half and was seen getting yelled at on the sideline by his wide receiver Jermaine Kearse. Locker would blame his inaccuracy on seeing flashes of Edward Cullen popping up when he was dropping back to pass. The Trojans piled on 150 yards rushing in the first half to go up 31-7. The second half was another dosage of CJ Gable reminding Kiffin why he was the starter back in 2006 by tearing off 120 yards and another TD to finish the Huskies at 52-17.

#4 Cal vs #8 Arizona

Mark Stoops came out of the tunnel looking five years younger. He was screaming and yelling at his players like he did when he first arrived in Arizona. Erin Andrews spoke to him briefly before the game started and he was all flustered because of the US losing in the World Cup. His sentiments were rooted much deeper in hatred for the Ghana team, and he even suggested that next time the US team take his WR Deleshaun Dean to send a message. The Arizona players didn’t respond like the coach expected and they couldn’t get on track. Nick Foles was sacked six times in the game and finished 13-31 for 111 yards and a TD. Cal quarterback Kevin Riley seemed to gain confidence after some early success that featured a 47 yard TD pass to Jeremy Ross three plays into the game. He finished the day with 286 passing yards on 17 of 24 passes and three TD’s. The Bears linebacker, Mike Mohamed led the way for the defense with 15 tackles and an INT. Rolling along the Bears cruised in this game to a 34-16 game.

The Pac-12 Championship will feature #2 USC vs #5 Cal, a match up that can only be paralleled by Team Edward vs Team Jacob. Who will be victorious and become the first Pac-12 Playoff Champion? Early line has the Trojans as 7 point favorites.

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Pac 12 Playoffs : Final Four

28 06 2010

#1 Oregon vs #8 Arizona

In what looked like an easy road for Oregon to the Pac-12 championship, quickly turned into off-roading in a Ford Pinto. Arizona forced a Nate Costa fumble on a Brooks Reed sack at midfield and Nick Foles threw three straight completions to give the Wildcats a 7-0 lead. LaMichael James had difficulty running up the middle, but had some success on tosses and sweeps with three runs of 20+ yards. Nic Grisby scored a 35 yard touchdown run on the opening drive of the second half to give Arizona a 20-10 lead, but the Ducks would not go away easily. Senior quarterback Nate Costa led an eight play 71 yard drive to bring the score to 20-17 midway through the third quarter. With five minutes to play, Oregon would take a 24-20 lead behind a 15 yard HB pass to LaMichael James. Mike Stoops looked inconceivably calm as the Wildcats just squandered the lead.  Nick Foles would throw over the top of blown coverage by Talmadge Jackson in the secondary to take a 27-24 lead with 55 seconds to play. The Ducks converted two first downs to get to the 40 yard line, but missed the potential game tying 57 yard FG.

#2 USC vs #10 ASU

Contrary to the rumors, Pete Carroll did not call the plays for Lane Kiffin during the game through his Twitter page, he sent him all the information he needed the night before via facebook message.

Matt Barkley looked more svelte after dropping some of his baby fat in the off-season and his improved mobility was displayed with constant pressure from the ASU defense. Barkley threw for 215 yards on 14 of 23 passing and with two TD’s and an INT. True freshman Dillon Baxter had a youtube worthy 25 yard TD run on a left toss where he slipped past two ASU defenders who came crashing into each other as they reached out for the tackle. The Sun Devils managed just 250 yards of total offense and managed just 10 points while giving up 390 yards and 27 points.

#3 OSU vs #6 UW

Oregon St got off to a strong start with James Rodgers returning the opening kickoff to the UW 27 yard line. His younger brother Jacquizz Rodgers finished the drive with a 7 yard TD run to take an early 7-0 lead. On the ensuing drive Chris Polk was met by Stephen Paea in the backfield on a on third and one play to force a Huskies punt. Three minutes before halftime, Huskies cornerback Desmond Trufant picked off a Ryan Katz pass and returned it thirty eight yards for a TD to give the Huskies a 10-7 lead. After an exchange of TD’s in the third quarter the Beavers took a 21-17 lead on a James Rodgers screen pass. Jake Locker saved his best drive for last as he completed 7 of 8 passes for 71 yards to give the Huskies a 24-21 lead with 21 seconds left in the game. The Beavers failed to convert a first down as time expired.

#4 Utah vs #5 Cal

In the rematch of the Poinsettia Bowl the Bears were determined to contain Utah QB Jordan Wynn. Jeff Tedford took a page out of the Cobra Kai’s method of business and the Bears were more aggressive from the start. Cal defensive end Cameron Jordan came up with two sacks, three QB knockdowns, and 2 late hit penalties to set the tone for the defense and the Utah offense never got into a rhythm. Kevin Riley had a solid  performance hitting 16 of 25 passes for 210 yards and Shane Vareen carried the ground game with 135 yards on 25 carries. Coach Jeff Tedford was quoted after the game saying that he’s boycotting the new Karate Kid, because he’s such a big Ralph Maccio fan and he was even seen doing a crane kick as the time expired with a 31-23 Bears victory.The Bears advance to face Arizona in the Final Four.

The Final Four pairs up

#2 USC vs #6 Washington – Can the former Trojan coaches Steve Sarkisian and Nick Holt stay undefeated against their former colleague in Lane Kiffin? Trojans favored by 10.

#5 Cal vs #8 Arizona – Cal survived against a potential game winning drive from Arizona in 2009 by a strange Nick Foles double pass, will they get lucky again? Bears favored by 3

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