Fantasy Fútbol

While watching the England vs USA soccer match yesterday and the lack of action also known as Fútbol, I started thinking about how these guys would fit in with real American sports like football. I saw a couple guys that could make an impact in the Pac-12.

Landon Donovan would have to play quaterback in the league. He chose eHarmony over match.com to find the right team, because he liked their commercials better. The algorithm calculated that he would be a perfect match to get the UCLA revolver offense firing (pun intended). I know what you’re thinking “they don’t even use their hands in soccer, so how’s his arm?” The man has intangibles that make Tim Tebow jealous.  He’s a general on the field and makes all of his teammates better. Despite his receding hairline he’s a descent athlete, and he’ll need every bit of his athleticism with the porous UCLA offensive line. Just like his time on the LA Galaxy, Donovan will play well, but fail to make a post-season bowl game as he threw for 1,800 yards 10TD’s and 8INT’s , 750 yards rushing and 9TD’s.

Another guy that would make an instant impact is Wayne Rooney. Think miniature version of Toby Gerhart on the Furd. He’s quicker than he is fast, and he’s got the attitude to punish would-be tacklers. Coach Harbough keeps telling him to run out of bounds, but he didn’t get on the squad for his wits and continues to meet linebackers head on. The best part is watching the crazy English fans at Stanford games decked out in their soccer flags and scarves. The Stanford band loved their sense of fashion and made them honorary members. Rooney came in and had an amazing freshman year behind a strong passing offense led by Andrew Luck.  He ripped of 1,100 yards rushing with 12 td’s that came in the form of four hat tricks games.

Christiano Ronaldo always wanted to play in the Pac-12 and was considered the top WR prospect in Europe. He contemplated being a part of one of the spread offenses in the conference, but Lane Kiffin made a big splash hauling in Ronaldo as part of his 2011 recruiting class. Lane promised him a bigger house and more money than Reggie Bush and when he saw the SC coeds it was blonde frosting on the cake. Ronaldo and his QB Matt Barkley had trouble getting on the same page with some off-field issues. Barkley was courting the country singer Taylor Swift, but Ronaldo convinced her that he was the more competent lover.  Barkley refused to throw Ronaldo the ball until he stopped dating Swift which didn’t happen until the 4th game of the season. The tenuous relationship between the two was finally repaired by the UCLA game when the duo accounted for 132 yards on 12 receptions  and two TD’s. Ronaldo finshed the year with 37 receptions for 518 yards and 5 TD’s,  one punt return for a TD. [tweetmeme source=”Pac12Conference” only_single=false]